Lent has a way of making us ask questions we might rather avoid.

It asks us to give something up, to examine our motives, to sit in the quiet spaces we usually fill with noise. And this year, one question keeps returning for me:

Am I truly loving people — or am I just trying to earn their love?

I think about the lengths I sometimes go to for certain people. The extra effort. The carefully chosen words. Anticipating their needs before they ask. On the surface, it looks generous. It even feels generous. Most of the time I believe it is, when I examine it.

But when I look honestly at my own heart, I sometimes see something less pure. I see how easily my “love” can become effort. Performance. Positioning.

There are people I know who do not particularly like me. Some I don’t especially enjoy either. And yet I feel something come over me — a determination to win them over. To soften them. To change their hearts and minds.

So I offer help. Extend invitations. Show up generously.

I tell myself this is Christlike love.
I tell myself I am loving my enemies.

But if I am honest, there is often another voice underneath:

If I do enough, maybe they will choose me.
If I am useful enough, maybe I will belong.
If I am good enough, maybe I will be seen.

This year, Lent is not letting that voice stay hidden.

So I sit with the harder question: If I knew I would receive nothing in return — no praise, no validation, no reassurance — would I still show up the same way? Mostly yes, but truly, sometime no.

If I earn love, I’ll be happier.
If I earn admiration, I deserve it.
If I earn belonging, I’ve won.

But love that must be earned is not love at all. Why is it so hard to be at peace accepting God’s pure love? Why does it feel like it’s not enough?

Many of us learned early that love had conditions: be helpful, be impressive, be indispensable, be easy, be more. So we spend our lives trying to become worthy of affection rather than simply receiving it. I sometimes feel like I’ve squandered my whole life chasing love.

But the love Lent points us toward cannot be earned. It can only be received. And when we begin to believe we are already loved without performance, something changes.

We start to love without bargaining.
We serve without needing applause.
We give without quietly keeping receipts.

This Lenten season, I am asking God to purify my motives — to teach me how to love without trying to secure something in return.

Because the more I sit with the question that began this reflection, the more I realize how easily love can become something else — a quiet attempt to secure approval, belonging, or reassurance.

And perhaps the deeper work of Lent is learning to let that go.

To stop trying to earn what has already been given.

To trust that being loved does not depend on how well we perform.

And from that place, to return to the original question — not with certainty, but with honesty:

Am I loving people … or am I still trying to earn love from them? As always, we are works in progress.

The post Are We Truly Loving People, or Just Trying to Win Them? appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

I’ve built my own little catalog of commonly misused words over the course of a few years. These are the words that reliably make me wince, the ones I notice every single time they’re used incorrectly.

Some of them are grotesque, though some can make me laugh.

You may have your own kind of list like this. Certain words that, once they’re on your radar, you can’t not notice. They jump out at you mid-sentence and quietly ruin your flow. So now I’m curious … what’s on your list?

SPIEL: Turns out, I’ve had this one backwards. I always thought pronouncing it shpiel was wrong, but it’s actually correct. The word comes from Yiddish, and even though it’s spelled spiel, it’s meant to be pronounced shpiel.

• Example: “He gave a long shpiel about his investment strategy.”

FROU-FROU, NOT FOO-FOO: Working in the hospitality industry, I hear this tons. “I don’t like foo-foo drinks” is what they’ll say. Definition: fancy, showy, or frilly ornamentation. I never correct them.

• Example: “That restaurant’s decor is a little too frou-frou for my taste.”

Recurring, NOT Reoccurring: You can use the word “reoccurring,” but only when you’re speaking of something that happens again, but not on a regular basis.

• Example: “There’s a likely chance storms will reoccur today.”
  Recur is when something happens at regular intervals.
• Example: “My recurring dream came back last night.”

MYRIAD: This word simply means “many.”

Even in otherwise polished, professional articles, myriad is often made more complicated than it actually is.

• Incorrect: There was a myriad of options.
• Correct: There were myriad options.
• Example: “She has myriad reasons for loving that city.”

REAL-TOR, NOT REAL-A-TOR: Very few people use the correct one here, sometimes not even the realtor themselves. It’s a trademark name.

• Example: “I spoke to my real-tor about listing the house.”

IRREGARDLESS: In dictionaries this is listed as “nonstandard” or “incorrect” usage. Regardless means “without regard.” So, when you say irregardless, what you’re really saying is: without without (twice) regard.

• Incorrect: “Irregardless of the weather, we’ll still go hiking.”
• Correct: “Regardless of the weather, we’ll still go hiking.”

JIBE, NOT JIVE: This is another one the dictionary lists, though considers non-standard. It’s become so common over the years that it’s starting to be looked at as acceptable.

• Incorrect: That story doesn’t jive with me.
• Correct: That story doesn’t jibe with me.
• Example: “His version of events just doesn’t jibe with the evidence.”

LITERALLY: This one drives me nuts. People often use “literally” for emphasis, when they mean “figuratively.”

• Literally means something actually happened, exactly as stated.
• Figuratively means something is being expressed as a figure of speech or exaggeration — not actually true.
• Incorrect: I literally died laughing. (You didn’t actually die.)
• Correct: I figuratively died laughing. (You’re exaggerating for effect.)
• Example: “She was so embarrassed, she literally wanted to crawl under the table.” (Better: figuratively wanted to crawl.)

BEMUSED vs. AMUSED: Bemused means confused or bewildered, not entertained.

• Incorrect: I was bemused by the comedian.
• Correct: I was amused by the comedian.
• Example: “He looked bemused when we explained the rules.”

NAUSEOUS vs. NAUSEATED: Nauseous means causing nausea, while nauseated means feeling nausea.

• Incorrect: I felt nauseous after the ride.
• Correct: I felt nauseated after the ride.
• Example: “The smell of the paint made me nauseated.”

“SUPPOSED,” NOT “SUPPOSABLY” (Also Correct: “Supposedly”)

This mistake shows up a lot in casual conversation. “Supposably” is not a word. The correct phrase is “supposed to,” and it’s used for plans, expectations, or obligations.

• Incorrect: I’m supposably meeting her later.
• Correct: I’m supposed to meet her later.
• Example: You’re supposed to finish your homework before dinner.

“Supposedly” is a real word, but it has a different meaning: it indicates something that people say or believe, but might not be true.

• Example: She’s supposedly the best singer in the class.
• Example: The movie is supposedly very funny.

FLAMMABLE vs. INFLAMMABLE

Ironically, “flammable” and “inflammable” mean the same thing: easily set on fire.

The word “inflammable” can be confusing because people sometimes assume the “in-” prefix means “not,” but in this case, it doesn’t.

Example:

• Keep all flammable liquids away from the stove.
• Keep all inflammable liquids away from the stove. (Means the same thing, but “flammable” is safer for clarity.)

I COULD CARE LESS vs. I COULDN’T CARE LESS: Saying “I could care less” implies you do care at least a little, which is the opposite of what people mean.

• Incorrect: I could care less about that show.
• Correct: I couldn’t care less about that show.

DON’T vs. DOESN’T: (Yes, This Is Still a Problem)

• Don’t = I, you, we, they → I don’t get it.
• Doesn’t = he, she, it → She doesn’t get it.

If you say “he don’t,” “she don’t,” or “it don’t,” somewhere an English teacher just died a little. Don’t do it. Ever.

The post One Spiel on Misused Words appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

What Is Truth?

For thousands of years, people have asked a simple but powerful question: What is truth? Scientists, philosophers, and artists have all tried to answer it. But today, that question is often brushed aside. Instead of searching for truth, many people say it doesn’t really exist — that everyone has their own version.

This way of thinking is called relativism. It’s the idea that truth depends on the person rather than on reality itself. While it may sound open-minded, relativism has a big impact on how people think about morality, religion, and even the value of human life.

Truth: Objective or Personal?

To understand relativism, it helps to know that there are two different kinds of truth.

Objective truth is true no matter what anyone believes. The Earth is round, even though people once thought it was flat. Belief didn’t change reality.

Relative (or subjective) truth depends on personal opinion. Choosing a favorite ice cream flavor isn’t a matter of right or wrong — it’s preference.

Both kinds of truth exist. Problems arise when people treat everything — especially moral and religious questions — as if it were just personal opinion.

Relativism in Religion

Relativism often shows up in how people talk about religion. Christianity began with one Church, which Catholics believe was founded by Jesus and led by the apostles and their successors. Over time, disagreements caused groups to separate and form different Christian denominations, each with its own beliefs and interpretations of the Bible.

From a Catholic perspective, the truth itself did not change — people’s interpretations did. The Catholic Church teaches that it preserves the full truth handed down from Jesus, while other denominations may hold parts of that truth but not the whole of it. Relativism, on the other hand, claims that all beliefs are equally true simply because people believe them.

When Morality Becomes Relative

Relativism doesn’t stop with religion. It also affects morality. Today, phrases like “That’s your truth” or “What’s right for you isn’t right for me” are common. This idea, called moral relativism, suggests there’s no universal standard for right and wrong.

The danger is that without an objective moral standard, anything can be justified. If everyone decides their own rules, society loses a clear way to say that some actions are truly wrong — not just unpopular or inconvenient.

Where Do Moral Values Come From?

Moral beliefs are rooted in what we believe has value. In Western culture, the idea that every human life matters comes from the belief that people are created by God. That belief gives every person dignity, no matter their age, strength, or abilities.

When God is removed from the picture, human value is decided by people instead. That means dignity can become conditional — based on usefulness, independence, or opinion — rather than something every person naturally has.

Why Truth Still Matters

Perhaps you are still unconvinced. Perhaps you do not believe in God, and so it is easier to live life with your own set of morals that you are comfortable with. Relativism may sound harmless, but it has real consequences.

When truth and morality become flexible, serious issues are treated as personal choices instead of moral realities. Without shared truth, society loses its moral foundation.

Even when people deny objective truth, it doesn’t disappear. Gravity still works whether you believe in it or not. In the same way, moral truth exists whether or not it’s accepted.

It is in our very nature as human beings to know that there is right and wrong; there is good and evil. Truth isn’t something we create. It’s something we discover — and choose to live by. The challenge is having the courage to stand up for it — not just what’s popular, easy, or convenient.

We must pick a side. We must not choose a moral path of our own making. If you want to be a force of change in the world, stand for truth.

The post Real … Or Just Real to You? appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

Let’s talk about something that has quietly become a social plague: ghosting and unfriending.

I’m speaking from experience here. Few things are more irritating than sending a message — personal or professional — and watching it vanish into the digital void. No response. No acknowledgment. Just your dignity and hope slowly evaporating. It feels rude because it is rude. And cowardly. Because it usually is that, too.

Somehow, in the digital age, we’ve managed to make disappearing from people easier than ever — no awkward conversations, no explanations, no emotional responsibility required. Just silence. Yay, technology!

Zero Empathy Is Maximum Convenience

Ghosting — dropping out of conversations without a word or never responding in the first place — has become weirdly normalized. It’s often justified as “protecting peace” or “avoiding awkwardness,” but let’s be honest: most of the time it’s about avoiding discomfort.

And avoidance has a cost.

When we ghost someone, we’re essentially saying, “Your feelings are less important than my momentary unease.” That’s not neutral behavior; it’s a choice.

In Christian tradition, we’re called to treat others with dignity and respect. Ghosting skips that step entirely. It’s not just impolite; it can cross into sinful territory when it consistently dismisses empathy and accountability.

Full disclosure: I’ve done it before. I’m not writing this from a moral high horse; it’s more from lots of self-awareness and reflection. Once you start recognizing the pattern, it’s hard to un-see it.

Professional Ghosting Even with Resumes

Ghosting has also gone corporate.

Professional ghosting is now fully institutionalized, especially in hiring. Candidates apply, interview, follow up, and then hear absolutely nothing. No rejection. No update. Just radio silence. The same thing happens with project pitches, collaborations, and professional outreach.

This isn’t just annoying; it’s disrespectful. People invest time, energy, and hope into these interactions. Ignoring that effort signals a complete lack of accountability. And yes, I could make the argument that this behavior negatively affects the economy, too, but that’s another article.

Ghosting also shows up at work in subtler ways: unanswered emails, clients who disappear mid-project, colleagues and co-workers who stop responding altogether. This creates confusion, resentment, and a culture where avoidance becomes the norm. Trust erodes. Morale drops.

I’ve experienced this not only professionally but even with church leaders. And honestly? A simple “yes” or “no” to an inquiry would suffice. Silence isn’t kindness — it’s indifference. Have some guts.

Hurt People Unfriend People

Unfriending is a little different. It’s more deliberate, often framed as “curating our social landscape.” Which sounds very calm and intentional until you realize it’s sometimes just emotional fallout with better branding.

We should ask ourselves: Are we unfriending because someone is truly harmful, or because we’re hurt and don’t know what to do with it?

Often, unfriending is less about the other person and more about unresolved feelings: anger, disappointment, jealousy, or plain exhaustion. Cutting someone off can feel empowering, but it can also be a way to avoid dealing with pain. And avoidance, again, has consequences.

When we unfriend without reflection, we lose the opportunity for conversation, growth, or reconciliation. We choose distance over dialogue and safety over maturity. Sometimes that’s necessary, but often it’s just easier.

Loneliness Spiral

In a world already struggling with isolation, habitual disconnection makes things worse. Ghosting and unfriending can create a vicious cycle: hurt leads to withdrawal, withdrawal leads to loneliness, and loneliness hardens us further.

Compassion isn’t always comfortable. It requires engagement, honesty, and sometimes difficult conversations. This doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior, but it does mean being intentional rather than reactive.

Before cutting someone off, consider whether a conversation could bring clarity. Not every relationship can or should be saved, but not every one needs to be quietly buried either.

Choosing Accountability Over Disappearing

At the heart of all this is accountability. Technology gives us endless ways to disengage without consequence, but that doesn’t make it right.

Before ghosting or unfriending, pause. Ask yourself this:

• Am I avoiding discomfort or protecting myself?
• Is silence actually kinder than honesty?
• What would it look like to respond with maturity instead?

Every message you ignore belongs to a real person. One who deserves at least the courtesy of acknowledgment.

We can do better. And we should.

The post Silence Isn’t Golden; It’s Just Rude! appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

When things seem off, chaotic, or just plain strange, we’re quick to ask this: “Is there a full moon tonight?” For centuries, people have believed that the full moon brings out unusual behavior in humans. From emergency room surges to bizarre public incidents, stories about the “lunar effect” are widespread in both folklore and modern culture. But is there any truth to these claims?

The History of Full Moon Lore

Beliefs about the full moon’s power date back to ancient civilizations. The word lunatic comes from luna, the Latin word for moon, reflecting the long-standing belief that lunar cycles influence mental health and behavior. Ancient Greeks and Romans thought the full moon could incite madness, while in medieval Europe, it was linked to werewolves, witches, and sorcery.

In modern times, emergency service workers, police officers, and hospital staff often share anecdotal evidence of heightened activity during full moons. Sergeant Al Shaffer, with the Newark Police Department, tells us this: “As a 29-year veteran of the Newark Police Department, I’ve seen my share of wild nights. More times than I can count, I’ve heard officers say, ‘It must be a full moon.’ And, truth be told, sometimes it actually was.”

The Moon’s Gravitational Pull: More Than Just Tides?

It’s a scientific fact that the moon’s gravitational pull affects Earth’s tides. But it does more than raise and lower ocean levels. In fact, the moon actually tugs on the Earth itself — ever so slightly stretching the planet into an oval shape, especially near the equator. Scientists call this “Earth tide” and though the shift is tiny — measured in centimeters — it’s a real and measurable deformation of the planet’s surface.

Now consider this: if the moon can pull at the Earth’s crust and move entire oceans, could it also affect our bodies, which are composed mostly of water? Some researchers and spiritual thinkers speculate that even if the effects are too subtle to measure directly, they may influence us subconsciously. Our circadian rhythms, hormonal cycles, and even mood might be nudged ever so slightly by the moon’s phases. While science hasn’t conclusively proven this, it remains a compelling line of thought that fuels continued research and curiosity.

This can be compared to women’s menstrual cycles. Men, take note — many don’t even realize what’s happening during a period. The body is shedding an unfertilized egg, contracting and flushing out material that’s no longer needed. It’s a natural force, just like the pull of a full moon. And while women often get dismissed as “cranky” or “PMS-ing,” it’s undeniable that these forces, though unconscious, have real impact on mood.

The Power of Expectation and Perception

One major factor contributing to the belief in full moon effects is confirmation bias. If someone expects strange things to happen during a full moon, they are more likely to notice and remember odd incidents — and less likely to recall similar events on other nights. This phenomenon plays a powerful role in shaping our perceptions and reinforcing superstitions.

Sgt. Shaffer explained it this way: “When I step back and look at it more carefully, the evidence just isn’t there. Studies show very little proof that full moons cause more crimes or 911 calls. What really seems to happen is something called confirmation bias. Here’s how it works: if I have a very busy night on patrol, then look up and see the full moon, I connect the two. That ‘confirms’ the old belief, even if the moon had nothing to do with it.”

Additionally, the media often highlights bizarre stories that coincide with the full moon, further embedding the idea that the moon influences behavior.

So, Does the Full Moon Really Change Us?

It doesn’t seem so. “The truth is, there’s no strong statistical link between moon cycles and crime. The real reasons for busy nights are things like alcohol, large crowds, holidays, or big events in the city,” Sgt. Shaffer said.

“Still, the folklore around the full moon isn’t going away. People like to find meaning in what they see, and a glowing full moon is a powerful symbol. Even today, after a hectic shift, you might still hear officers say, ‘It must be a full moon.’ Sometimes it is — and sometimes it’s not,” he said.

The moon has pulled at the Earth since time began. Maybe it’s not so far-fetched to think it tugs at us, too.

The post It Must Be the Full Moon appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

I thrive on routine – plans, schedules, calendarized events, and Post-it notes. It’s how I roll; I’m a list person. However, complacency can sometimes be the enemy of growth. Routine can be helpful if managed, but left unchecked, can pull us down the rabbit hole of monotony for a long time.

Christmastime helps to break those routine cycles. At least for me, starting with Thanksgiving, life seems to shift into overdrive and feels like a whirlwind until January 2. Family – food – buying presents … family – food – opening presents – family – midnight – recovery. It can be a grind at times. The key to getting through it all and recovering after is introspection. That is to say, time to think.

Unfortunately, for most men, we’re so bent on action and task completion, we seldom leave time for ourselves. That ends this year.

Sometimes the holidays can bring out the best in us, and sometimes the worst. In either scenario, it can be hard to confront those things in each of us that we don’t want to admit are true, or make up our character, when we wish they didn’t. We can see what others have that we don’t; we can see what others don’t have and are unfairly without; we can get bogged down by the desire for justification when no obvious one exists.

Ultimately without fail, what the holiday season provides is an annual time of reflection. I know, I know: everyone says it, but within each stereotype is a kernel of truth. How much time do you take to think about you? Are you happy with you? Are you where you want to be? Are you the man you want to be; the friend you want to be; the student, the brother, the son, the husband you want to be? If yes, that’s great! I’m sure it took some time to get there. Life takes work. If you answered “No” to any one of these questions, it’s not too late to take the time to reflect and, if desired, enact change.

Men: Seriously, there’s still time. If you’re reading this, the buzzer has not yet been beaten, no one has walked off and won (I only have sports references, apparently) and the fat lady is still in the green room, warming up.

It is commonly believed that it takes about three weeks – 21 days – to create a habit. Of course, depending on the complexity, frequency, and state of mind of the habit former, that timeline is flexible. Here’s an example: a new nightly routine could take a few weeks, while a new exercise regimen could take a few months. Suffice it to say, for most tasks and most taskmasters, habit-forming takes time and repetition, but the first step is always the same: decisiveness. Make the decision that change is needed, warranted, and valid.

For me, it can be making time with family or time by myself to do things I enjoy. I love to read; haven’t cracked a book since March. I love to write, but this is the first thing I’ve written in months. I enjoy running, but I’ve worn my running shoes for family events only this year. I enjoy cycling and recently had to fill up the bike tires solely because I didn’t want to ruin the tires, not because I was preparing for a ride. My wife and I really enjoy playing Xbox, but we got rid our last system because we said we didn’t have the time. The family hasn’t been hiking in a year. It gets depressing, but life can come fast and hard without care or compassion. Time flies – it truly does. So, strap on your wings; we’ve got some gliding to do.

STEP ONE: Schedule time to get your house in order. I’ve taken care of the “have-to” things before they’ve truly become emergencies or missed deadlines/obligations.

STEP TWO: I’ve said no to those requests and asks that would have taken up time I needed for me or other important things (see above). I was not able to attend that particular after-hours meeting; I wouldn’t commit to delivering an ask because I simply didn’t have the time. I do not recall where I heard it first, but Steve Jobs is credited as saying, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” That is to say, schedule your time wisely. Do you really have time to go out with friends tonight? F.O.M.O. (Fear of Missing Out) is real. I get it, but the world won’t stop turning if you miss one night with friends. Prioritization is key.

STEP THREE: Make time, hold on to it, and guard the time you set aside for that which you deem important. Eventually you will be asked to compromise, but hold true. You will not get that time back. Funnily enough, most New Year’s resolutions fail around the third week of January – right when new habits could be taking hold. The key is this: Have patience and confidence in yourself and your decision.

STEP FOUR: Be OK with setbacks. We recently wrapped up Christmas (pun intended) – the season of perpetual hope, but sometimes our best intentions don’t go as planned. Fail by February; start again in March. Fail in April; reset for a fresh start in May. Perpetuity refers to a continual existence. Perpetual hope – a continual hope – of potential change, if you want. But only if you want. Do not let the world dictate that need. Only you can. You can turn it around if you want to turn it around.

Frank Cross in Scrooged turned it around; as did Ebenezer Scrooge, the character upon which Frank is loosely based. Albeit, their realizations came in more dramatic fashion, but they were shown their needs and that they weren’t the men who they could be – who they should be for those around them. Some propose that Phil Connors in Groundhog Day took ten years to figure out his true self.

Any of the previously mentioned steps could have a mid-step added, defined as “with a companion – friend or family” because having an accountability partner is also key to success. Look up “accountability partner” and you’ll return all types of alliterative answers espousing the benefits of paired progress. Regardless, the common theme is that the more people who know your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. It takes a village. In some cases, change can be affected on an individual basis, but in most cases, it takes partnership in some aspect: a friend helping a friend, wife helping a husband, girlfriend helping a boyfriend. We’re all in this together, so it benefits everyone if one of us succeeds in a positive way.

At the end of the day, if you’re doing what you can with what you have in a positive way for you and those around you, then you are enough. The holiday season can be a time of reflection for change, but should also be a time of reflection for support. The world has a way of telling us that more is better. More food, more clothes, bigger cars, bigger houses, more presents, more TV, more, more, more.

Hedonic adaptation refers to a psychological “desensitivity” where we eventually return to a baseline level of happiness after new stimulus is introduced. Meaning, the more we have only temporarily gives us that dopamine burst in the reward centers of the brain.

We all have a baseline happiness level we should strive to maintain. Getting more and more only feeds into the need for more and more, never being satiated with what we have. Sometimes less is more; sometimes enough is enough. But you: You are always enough as you are. Do you feel like you are? Because you are. I’m telling you: You. Are. Enough.

As men, we are looked at stereotypically in a variety of ways, but for a lot of us, we don’t fit that construct. We are us – not them. We are who we are, not who we are told to be. Men: it’s OK to be insecure, and it’s OK to be confident; it’s OK to try, and it’s OK to fail; it’s OK not to be a leader, and it’s OK to lead; it’s OK not to want to go to college, and it’s OK to go to University; it’s OK to be you. Just be secure in what that means.

Change is possible; perpetual hope is a theme of the season. But perpetual confidence is knowing that what you bring to the table is worthy, as well. The holidays aren’t the only time for reflection, and realizing this is beneficial, but for those on the fence or looking for a place to start, the timing is perfect. Use this season to review you; decide who you are, what makes you happy and carpe diem – seize the day. There’s no better time than today.

The post Take Control and Set Your Goals appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

We hear the term “prayer” used, but what does it mean? Does it mean reciting the same outdated prayers used for decades such as the Our Father, the prayer that Jesus gave us, or a Hail Mary, which dates back to the 16th century? No. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), a book about Church doctrine, says, “This mystery, (faith), then requires that the faithful believe in it, that they celebrate it, and that they live from it in a vital and personal relationship with the living and true God. This relationship is prayer.” CCC 2558. What the Catechism is saying is that prayer is the relationship with God.

Prayer is how we communicate with God the Father, Jesus, and/or Holy Spirit. This relationship is supposed to be PERSONAL. Prayer isn’t supposed to look uniform, the same way that communication between friends looks different. So, what does it mean to have a personal relationship with God? It starts just like any other relationship, with an introduction and openness. One thing to remember is that prayer isn’t us initiating a relationship with God, but rather a response to his call.

“God calls man first. Man may forget his Creator or hide far from his face; yet, the living and true God tirelessly calls each person to that mysterious encounter known as prayer. In prayer, the faithful God’s initiative of love always comes first; our own first step is always a response. As God gradually reveals himself and reveals man to himself, prayer appears as a reciprocal call, a covenant drama. Through words and actions, this drama engages the heart. It unfolds throughout the whole history of salvation.” CCC 2567

God keeps calling you on the phone. He is always initiating, and prayer is you choosing to answer the phone. So, how do you get started? Well, first off, prayer isn’t your inner monologue. It isn’t you having a conversation with yourself. Rather, it is allowing God to use the voice of the mind to converse with you. If God created you – your senses, your imagination, your intellect – wouldn’t it make sense that he would and does use those to communicate with you? Sometimes, we think that God’s going to speak to us through a billboard on the highway or a sign that’s going to hit us in the face, but more often than not, he wants to speak to us through the mundane. Why? Because he wants to be able to communicate at all times.

Close your eyes and say your first, middle, and last name in your head. It’s okay, just do it. Did it sound scary or did it sound normal? Sometimes we imagine God’s going to speak to us like how Mufasa appeared in the clouds to talk to Simba (The Lion King), a loud booming voice from the sky. Honestly, if that happened to me, I would freak out. It’s important to note that Simba isn’t freaked out because that voice, the voice of his father, is familiar. When God talks to us, He doesn’t want to scare us.

How about our imagination? St. Ignatius of Loyola developed a type of prayer allowing the individual to enter Biblical stories as if they were fully present, using all the senses. The best way to start is to imagine something already familiar: your bedroom (it could be another room if you want). Close your eyes and place yourself there. Use all five senses to get a “feel” for the room in great detail. What was that like? Did it seem easy or hard? If it was difficult or “fuzzy” try again. Practice makes perfect. It’s important to know that the mind is a muscle, it needs exercise and practice. It’s easy to be discouraged, but don’t be.

So at this point, you’ve heard your name and you’ve seen your room! That’s amazing! Time to move on to the next step. When conversing with God, there are three key things to know. God will only speak things that are 1) good; 2) upbuilding; and 3) true. All three of these criteria need to be met. If God is good, why would he ever say something bad about you? God’s also a good father, so why would he ever try to tear you down? And finally, God cannot lie; he can only speak what is true.

So, just like any conversation or new relationship, it’s good to ask questions. One of the best to start with is simply, “God, do you love me?” This question is simple because the answer is yes; however, it’s important to not let your mind “say” the obvious answer, but WAIT for the Lord to respond. It’s also good to note that you might see something in your imagination or feel something, like being hugged. If you don’t hear anything, ask again. Be persistent.

And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Luke 11:9-10

And from this place, there are endless questions you can ask. God, what do you think about me? What is your plan for my life? How can I grow in holiness today? And if you question whether or not what you see or hear is you, ask yourself: is it good, true, and upbuilding? If even one of those qualifications is not met, it’s not God. The reality is, it’s tough at first. Relationships take practice, and they take dedication. It’s not going to be perfect the first time, but be patient. Trust that the Lord will show up.

He’s there, always waiting for you. The question is, are you open to the way He wants to speak?

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Ah, the classic, typical phrase: “It is what it is.” A true gem of linguistic laziness, perfect for those moments when you want to sound profound without actually saying anything of substance. Instead of offering insight or empathy, it throws up a white flag and surrenders to the chaos of life. Congratulations! You’ve just won the award for Most Unhelpful Response.

You know what takes effort? Actual engagement. Acknowledging feelings. Problem-solving. “It is what it is” is the verbal equivalent of shrugging your shoulders while scrolling through your phone. It’s lazy and dismissive. It is NOT what it is. Fight!! Find a solution. A real conversation might involve some actual thought — imagine the horror!

And let’s not forget how it kills conversations. When you say this, you might as well be saying, “I’m done talking; let’s move on to something less meaningful.”

Next time you feel tempted to lean on this tired cliche, consider a little creativity in your response instead. How about something like, “Life’s a mess, I know.” At least it acknowledges the struggle without pretending it’s just a shrug-worthy fact of life. Remember, the next time someone hits you with “It is what it is,” you have every right to roll your eyes and demand a better conversation.

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I have fought against marriage most of my life – not intentionally so, and for very wrong reasons. It’s only been in recent times that I’ve been surrendering to the idea that it’s OK to want this in the truest traditional sense, in being the housewife and mother and letting a husband take charge, and to want this for the better good of a family unit. I’m no longer ashamed to admit it. I want to be the woman, and all that entails.

As I grew into adulthood, I never had the opportunity to just be the woman, the homemaker. I’ve scrambled, scraped, and struggled as a single parent – my own bad choices – and I regret it and wish I’d aspired to simply be a wife and mother. What could be more important?

These days it often takes two to run a household and keep bills paid. If you look at all the divorces in our culture today, women often have to bring in half of the income, be the nurturer of kids and the rest of the family unit, the maid, and the sexy wife all at the same time; it’s too much, there can be an imbalance and a building of contempt and resentment. Give thanks to the feminist movement – I think not – where too much is expected of women. I often argue it’s led to the moral decline in our society, perhaps the number one reason.

Still, I hope girls will understand this: it’s OK to aspire to be a housewife and mother; I encourage it. But you cannot do and have it all.

Many no doubt will cringe at this thought, but it’s a fact that women are biologically predisposed to feel this way. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, who’s very visible on social media and author of 12 Rules for Life, has spoken extensively about various aspects of human nature, including the roles of men and women in society. One of his perspectives is that women instinctively seek out partners who can provide security and resources, which he links to evolutionary psychology.

Peterson often refers to the concept of “hypergamy,” which suggests that women tend to select mates who are of higher status or have greater resources than themselves. He argues that this behavior is rooted in evolutionary needs, where women historically needed to ensure the survival of their offspring by selecting partners who could offer stability and protection.

For a long time, men have often been the protectors and providers, while women have taken care of the home and kids. This isn’t just a social thing; it’s also because of our natural instincts. The feminist movement changed everything.

The feminist movement had a huge impact on thoughts regarding the idea that women should be taken care of by men. Here are some of the ways in which feminism has influenced this:

• Feminism includes the idea women shouldn’t be dependent on men for care and protection
• Feminism advocates for equal rights, opportunities, and treatment for all genders, challenging the idea that women should be in a subservient or dependent position to men

• Feminism emphasizes women’s empowerment, encouraging women to assert their independence, make their own choices, and take control of their lives, including their financial and personal well-being
• Overall, the feminist movement has played a crucial role in challenging the idea that women should be taken care of by men, promoting instead the ideals of independence, equality, and mutual respect in relationships

Feminism and Societal Decline

Though feminism has brought about significant advancements in gender equality, it has greatly contributed to the decline of traditional family structures. The push for absolute independence can sometimes undermine the value of interdependence in relationships, leading to fragmented families and a sense of disconnection.

• Critics argue that the emphasis on individualism and independence promoted by feminism has contributed to changing family structures, with fewer people adhering to traditional models of marriage and family. This, they argue, has led to a decline in stable family units

• It’s also said that the breakdown of traditional family structures can have negative effects on children, leading to issues such as lower academic achievement, higher rates of delinquency, and emotional instability

• It’s believed that feminism has contributed to economic pressures on families, with more women entering the workforce leading to changes in family dynamics and increased stress on relationships

This idea that the feminist movement has contributed to the downfall of society or the breakup of families is a highly debated topic. It’s important to note that many different perspectives exist on this issue; this is just mine.

Back to Wanting a Man

Wanting a man to take care of you doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s a perfectly valid feeling. I hope that sharing my own story can show that a change in mindset is possible and fulfilling. In critiquing feminism’s role in adding pressures on women to balance multiple roles, I hope this article suggests that traditional roles are worthy of seeking. I also hope it encourages young women to make choices that align with their own personal desires and empowers them to aspire to be housewives and mothers if that’s what they truly want. These are great dreams to have.

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Who is God? Or, what is God?

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, non-Christian religions would define God as “a superhuman being or spirit worshipped as having power over nature or human fortunes; a deity …” or someone of divine nature. The dictionary gives a second definition in the Christian, monotheistic sense as God being “the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.” At first glance, to a middle- or high-schooler, both definitions give levitating dictator-ish vibes. “Worshipped as having power over nature” and “source of all moral authority” seem to be pretty strong statements. So the question still stands: who or what is God?

When we try to describe someone or something, we tend to talk about things they’ve done or accomplished. However, we frequently fail to discuss the nature or the character of someone. For example, if I wanted to describe one of my friends to you, I might say, “She’s really good at playing the cello or at ad-libbing bedtime stories.” This might give you some insight, but if you’re asking about her, you might want to know more about her tendencies, how might she respond to different situations and who she is as a person. I might say, “She is patient and seeks to understand rather than to respond. She likes to think things through and is very intentional. And she likes to have fun.” This gives you a greater idea of who she is as a person. See the difference?

Sometimes when it comes to God, we tend to stop at the first set of questions. We let actions and selective statements obscure our vision and perception. I grew up Catholic, but maybe you didn’t.

Even with my Catholic upbringing and education, I didn’t know the nature of God or His character. At Mass and in my religion classes, I heard a lot about rules and commandments. Up until I was 20, the Catholic faith was just a bunch of rules. This might be how you view Christianity, and that is understandable.

This perspective made me see God as just a taskmaster. If you look at the Old Testament, the first part of the Bible, there are a bunch of examples of punishment when the chosen people of God didn’t follow His commandments.

So let’s go back to the first question: who is God? Some think the Christian God is far off and distant, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Psalm 139, in the Old Testament, says, “O LORD, you have searched me and known me!” Different translations have it written, “Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.” King David, the author of the Psalm and a king of God’s people in biblical times, isn’t writing this depicting God as a stalker, but as someone who is so invested in your life. It goes on to say, “You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.” Why? To show God goes before and behind to protect you from anything trying to harm you. My favorite translation of this verse says, “You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness, you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past.” Preparation and kindness. This doesn’t sound like something that would come from someone who has malice against you.

So what do we know about God so far? He’s not distant. He wants to be in your life. He prepares for you and doesn’t want you to be harmed. This sounds like an active God, not a passive one.

So what should you know next? God LOVES you. And it’s not just the obligatory love we see so often in today’s society, but rather a love that is faithful and chooses to put others before oneself. The faithfulness of God is, personally, my favorite attribute of his nature. Merriam-Webster says, “FAITHFUL implies unswerving adherence to a person or thing or to the oath or promise by which a tie was contracted.” So, no matter what, God will not break His promise, His covenant. Just think about our lives – how often are we susceptible to breaking our promises out of convenience, forgetfulness, or just laziness? Timothy, one of the New Testament writers, says this about God, “… if we are faithless, he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself.” Like, woah. “He cannot DENY himself.” Timothy isn’t just describing a quality of God, but rather the what-ness of God. Like, what God is, is faithful.

God loves you. The whole Bible is ultimately a love story and one about sacrifice. Here’s the gist: God loves YOU. Not like y’all you, but you, right now, reading this sentence. He LOVES you.

When Adam and Eve sinned in Genesis and sin entered into the world, God had a plan of redemption for YOU. Even though Jesus came into the world 2,000 years ago, God had YOU in mind when He came. He knew you would sin and He loved you too much to leave you in your sin. He loved you so much that God sent His son Jesus to pay the price of your sins. St. Paul, who wrote most of the New Testament, writes, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When the price of your sin was death, God said NO and sent His perfect son to die in your place, forever removing the debt. And the crazy thing is this: God doesn’t just love you, He actually likes you. Like, He wants to be around you.

God isn’t far off. He’s not distant. He wants to be so involved in your life and He will be if you let Him. The answers to who is God and what is God are literally infinite. And so I encourage you, if you want to find the answers to those questions, simply ASK Him. He’s waiting for you.

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