Beautiful beans. I love them, and in fact, they’re my biggest protein source. Telling people this usually elicits a chuckle and response about their inability to handle the end-result after eating them. However, the fiber in beans can actually slow things down in that area – No. 2-wise – not the opposite. It took me a long time to figure this out.

Fiber is simply plant material. Unlike carbohydrates, it has no calories or food energy in it. Instead of being broken down and absorbed into the bloodstream, fiber simply passes through the entire digestive tract, acting like a broom by “sweeping” out crap. Sometimes it’s counterproductive, though, if we consume too much. We think, well, it’s fiber and it’s healthy, so my bowel movements should be regular, right? Not so. The type of fiber you’re eating makes all the difference in the world by regulating how quickly you’ll go.

Very roughly, people need about 25-30 grams of fiber a day, though most only get about 15. On a personal note, I think I take in about twice the daily amount, due to my love of vegetables, and it’s wreaked havoc on my digestive system. I think I’ve figured out a perfect diet solution – I just won’t eat at all. Kidding, but it is funny when you think you’re doing good things for your body, you could actually be doing more harm.

SOLUBLE fibers – Slows down No. 2s

This type of fiber attracts water and forms a gel, which slows down digestion. It delays the emptying of your stomach and keeps you feel full longer. It bulks and expands while it sits in your intestinal tract for awhile. It slows down the absorption of sugar and fat in the blood, helping regulate blood sugar levels. It also binds and removes cholesterol from your blood stream.

Sources of SOLUBLE fiber:

• Beans
• Oatmeal, oat bran
• Fruits like: apples, plums, oranges, bananas and blackberries
• Veggies like: carrots, squash, beets, potatoes, sweet potatoes – Think “starchy”

INSOLUBLE fibers – Speeds up No. 2s 

This type of fiber has a laxative effect because it doesn’t dissolve in water, so it passes through the gastrointestinal tract quickly without breaking down, and speeds up the passage of food and waste through your gut. If insoluble fiber gives you digestion problems, you can: Remove peels from your veggies; dice, chop or mash to make them easier to break down; eat them well-cooked, by either steaming, boiling or braising.

Sources of INSOLUBLE fiber:

• Whole grains
• Fruits like: Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, pears
• Veggies like: leafy greens, corn, green beans, celery, onion, broccoli, cabbage

All fibers have a soluble/insoluble ratio. Because of this, doctors and nutritionists are doing away with those terms. If you strive to consume a variety of high-fiber foods every day, you should get enough of each to cover your bases. If you’re trying to incorporate more fiber into your diet, take it slowly to avoid gastrointestinal distress.

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“Look, there’s Spike,” Jimmy pointed out to us.

“What is that girl doing? Is she on rollerblades? Oh my God,” Susie snickered in disbelief.

We were on our way to the Silver Cloud for afternoon drinks, and there she was heading up Lombard Street. It was the first time I’d seen her, platinum blond hair nearly to her waist, skin pasty white as glue, decked out in spandex shorts and a dinky sports bra.

She strode east from Octavia, arms swinging, legs gliding, carefree but with direction. She stopped before the next block, swinging her hips around to the iron gate of an apartment building, and disappeared inside.

“We just saw your girlfriend, Sammy,” Susie teased to the little Vietnamese man behind the bar at Silver Cloud.

“What you mean?” Sammy asked, pouring beer into a glass.

“Spike, your little honey.”

“No. No. She not my girlfriend. I only go out with her a few times,” Sammy laughed. “She too expensive.”

“Ugh, you better watch it Sammy,” said Susie, turning serious. “I know that really, you like that girl, but you better be careful. Who knows what diseases she has. I hope you’re using protection.”

Sammy looked embarrassed. “No, she nice girl.” And that was all we talked of Spike before turning our attention to our beers and speculating on that evening’s business.

It was about a month later I got to see Spike close up when I moved into her building. Kitty, a Vietnamese friend of Sammy’s was the apartment manager and had told me one night about a vacant studio upstairs from his unit. It was the break I needed to get away from Jimmy, Susie’s brother and the guy I shared an apartment with near Haight-Ashbury. I had started to get nervous with all his cocaine-snorting buddies around.

I was caught off guard by my first exchange with Spike. I was going up the steps; she was coming down, singing very loudly some song I didn’t recognize.

“Hi. Are you Spike?” I asked, immediately regretting I’d called her that. Maybe it wasn’t her real name. I never bothered to ask.

“Oh yes. It is I, the one-and-only Spike,” she said dramatically, flicking her fingers to toss her hair off her shoulders.

“Hi. I’m Jackie. Jimmy and Susie’s friend. Sammy just hired me down at the Silver Cloud.”

“Jimmy and Susie? You’ve got to be kidding, right? Oh, I bet they’re loads of fun,” she said, not even hiding the sarcasm.

“Um, they’re O.K.,” I said, shrinking beneath her scowl.

“Yeah … well, see you around,” she brushed me off, starting back down the steps and picking up the singing again. I went to my apartment and spent a half an hour wondering about her. Who was she? And where was she going with all that makeup on and long gypsy skirt?

I soon learned that Jimmy and Susie weren’t making up what Spike did as a profession. Her unit was adjacent to mine, one floor lower. From my kitchen I could see her bathroom window, and one day, when I was being nosy, I spied down to her place to see if I could see anything. Much to my surprise, her bathroom was aglow with red light. And I witnessed the light on numerous times thereafter when I looked down to see what she was up to.

I really didn’t care what the girl was into. Rather, I laughed to myself inside at the oddity of the experience of living next to a prostitute, if she should be called that. Maybe working girl is a better term.

I found myself feeling sorry for her. She was so young – she couldn’t have been more than 25, yet she was so pale and worn looking. And how could she be so bold? Did she know she was ridiculed by the Silver Cloud circle?

I decided I’d try to befriend her. I just walked downstairs and knocked on her door one day.

“Yes?” she answered, flinging the door open. Again, I became fixated on her over-the-top regalia: long, painted-on ribbed knit dress, red, with slits to the hips and layer upon layers of makeup.

“I was just heading to work,” I said, intimidated, partly disappointed that she’d even opened the door.

She asked me in. “I was wondering if you knew about the karaoke contest tonight. It’s one-hundred dollars for the winner. You should come and try,” I told her.

“No, I don’t think so,” she grimaced. I offered myself a seat on the corner of her bed. There was no other seating. It was weird seeing her studio, which was just like mine, but reversed. Hers faced Lombard Street, mine the back garage.

“I’ll be out tonight spreading around some naughtiness,” she went on.

Oh God, I thought, not asking her to elaborate. I prayed she wouldn’t start talking about the business. My mind raced, looking around the room, trying to find a focus, something to say.

“I like your light,” I blurted out, pointing to a lava lamp on the bedside table.

“Creates a nice mood, doesn’t it?” she said and just kept going about her business picking clothes up off the floor and folding them, not even really looking at me.

“Yeah. Well, I better get going to work now,” I said and hurried out of there.

I was so relieved walking to work. I decided I was scared of Spike. I wanted so badly to know her story, but I was too much of a coward to even talk to the girl.

A few days later I was heading upstairs to my place and saw the Indian clerk from the corner market trotting down the steps. I knew him well enough from my frequent visits to the store and was surprised to see him there. He was whistling, tucking in his shirt, and his face glistened with sweat. I was repulsed.

I don’t know what ever became of Spike. I can’t even remember if she lived in the building when I moved out. She came into the Silver Cloud a couple of times to see Sammy since the day I went to her studio. When she did, she always had to suffer the wrath of Jimmy and Susie – spewing insulting comments under their breath, ignoring her presence, and even one time I remember, Susie screaming in Spike’s face about her tired skin. The poor girl always took it, too. She never even flinched.

The post Spike – The Girl Next Door appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

“New year, new me.” Sound familiar? It’s flooded every Instagram post for the past month. Every January 1st, millions of people decide it’s time to make a change — whether it’s eating healthier, working out, or cutting back on screen time. But here’s the catch: 80% of these resolutions have been abandoned already. That means out of every 100 people, only 8 have actually stuck to their goals. Crazy, right?

It’s not about having better gym equipment or more free time. It’s about exercising discipline and commitment. The 8% succeed because they rely on the CARDINAL VIRTUES. The first is prudence, the ability to discern the good and choose the right means to achieve it. In simpler terms, prudence is the ability to do the right thing, at the right time, in the right way. The second virtue is justice, giving others what they are due. The third virtue is fortitude, the courage to face difficulties and persevere in the pursuit of good. The final virtue is temperance, moderation in what we do or buy or consume.

In my opinion, those who finish what they start, exercise the virtues of fortitude and temperance. Exercising fortitude looks like waking up and getting out of bed when your alarm clock goes off even though you’re exhausted. It looks like going to the gym even though your legs are so sore from the day before. Fortitude is the ability to continue to do what you set out to do in the first place.

Temperance is the ability to set oneself up for success. Temperance exercises the ability to say no to some things so that later on you can say yes to better things. Temperance is closing your laptop at 11 p.m. so that you can be fully rested for the day ahead. Temperance is not having that second serving of ice cream. But, temperance isn’t just about saying no. It can also look like, I can buy that item at the store because I had saved enough this month. Temperance is staying within your budget so that when your friend asks you to go out to dinner, you can afford it because you didn’t spend extra money on something that you didn’t really need.

In summary, exercising virtue isn’t going to make your life bland and boring, but rather, it gives you guidelines to follow so that you can live your life and live it to the fullest. So how do we make it to the end of the year so that we’re in the top 8%? We start small. Let’s say that our goal is to “get in shape.” What does that even mean? What kind of shape are we talking about? Olympic athlete, all-state champion? You get the point.

Step #1 is to make your goals more specific. “I want to live a healthier life.” That’s a great alternative. In addition, research has shown that when you have a theme for the year, it’s easier to obtain because the small things you do can fall under that theme. So let’s say this year’s theme is health.

Step #2 is to make it timely. If you’re going to focus on running, for example, your goal might be, “I want to be able to run a mile without stopping by springtime.” Then as you achieve each goal, you can bump up the next goal. Maybe your goal is to stop eating out. “I will let myself eat out once a week for a month.” Next month, you can change it to eating out once every other week. Soon, you’ll find yourself inching closer and closer to your goal.

Step #3 is to tie this goal to an action. “I am going to start running at my local gym.” Or, “I’m going to go for a run and listen to that new podcast I’ve been waiting to listen to.” There’s a win-win in that; you run and you get to listen to your podcast.

Step #4 is to make your goal attainable. While some people can start habits by going all in, more often than not, you need to ease your way into things. If you don’t work out, don’t expect to work out for an hour every day. Make it manageable. “I’m going to work out 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes.” Start slow and know your limits. Start slow and set realistic expectations. Knowing your limits doesn’t make you weak — it makes you smart.

Feel like you got a good idea? Go ahead and write yours down. The truth is that it’s never too late to start and today is the best day to begin. Don’t think in terms of tomorrow when it comes to building a new habit. Start thinking in terms of Day #1. But the truth is, you’re going to mess up. You’ll miss a day of working out or whatever your plan is. Realize that you’re not perfect and that’s okay. But don’t let that get you down. Think about it this way: if you forgot to brush your teeth one day, would you wake up the next and say, “Well I didn’t brush my teeth yesterday, that stinks. I guess I won’t brush them today or ever again.” No! That’s one, gross, and two, so silly.

Let this year be new for you, with a new mindset, and a new outlook on life. Life is going to be a challenge so make it a game. Make it fun and don’t give up. You’ll see the change happen over time!

https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/02/11/this-is-the-month-when-new-years-resolutions-fail-heres-how-to-save-them/

The post Achieve Greatness with Discipline and the Cardinal Virtues appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

My grandpa always says how he fell in love with my grandmother’s big brown eyes.

He says I have her big brown eyes.

Although, I wish people would look past my big brown eyes.

I wish people would look at the way I sympathize.

Look at the way I’m paralyzed by my fear and my worries.

Every night I have this recurring dream.

I wake up in a sea on a thin sheet of wood.

This sea slowly changes from calm to raging.

My brain starts disengaging.

I lose track of the things in my life.

These big brown eyes don’t just smile.

They cry rivers of tears

Flooding my senses

and Making me senseless.

These big brown eyes need to be wiped.

They need to be cared for.

They need to be prepared for the hardships to come.

These big brown eyes need someone to step closer and realize they aren’t just brown

But green, and a little yellow when the sun hits them just right.

The only emotion they have isn’t sadness

But a mix of confusion and pride.

These big brown eyes need someone to guide them home.

The post POEM: Big Brown Eyes appeared first on Headliners Mission Group.

I thrive on routine – plans, schedules, calendarized events, and Post-it notes. It’s how I roll; I’m a list person. However, complacency can sometimes be the enemy of growth. Routine can be helpful if managed, but left unchecked, can pull us down the rabbit hole of monotony for a long time.

Christmastime helps to break those routine cycles. At least for me, starting with Thanksgiving, life seems to shift into overdrive and feels like a whirlwind until January 2. Family – food – buying presents … family – food – opening presents – family – midnight – recovery. It can be a grind at times. The key to getting through it all and recovering after is introspection. That is to say, time to think.

Unfortunately, for most men, we’re so bent on action and task completion, we seldom leave time for ourselves. That ends this year.

Sometimes the holidays can bring out the best in us, and sometimes the worst. In either scenario, it can be hard to confront those things in each of us that we don’t want to admit are true, or make up our character, when we wish they didn’t. We can see what others have that we don’t; we can see what others don’t have and are unfairly without; we can get bogged down by the desire for justification when no obvious one exists.

Ultimately without fail, what the holiday season provides is an annual time of reflection. I know, I know: everyone says it, but within each stereotype is a kernel of truth. How much time do you take to think about you? Are you happy with you? Are you where you want to be? Are you the man you want to be; the friend you want to be; the student, the brother, the son, the husband you want to be? If yes, that’s great! I’m sure it took some time to get there. Life takes work. If you answered “No” to any one of these questions, it’s not too late to take the time to reflect and, if desired, enact change.

Men: Seriously, there’s still time. If you’re reading this, the buzzer has not yet been beaten, no one has walked off and won (I only have sports references, apparently) and the fat lady is still in the green room, warming up.

It is commonly believed that it takes about three weeks – 21 days – to create a habit. Of course, depending on the complexity, frequency, and state of mind of the habit former, that timeline is flexible. Here’s an example: a new nightly routine could take a few weeks, while a new exercise regimen could take a few months. Suffice it to say, for most tasks and most taskmasters, habit-forming takes time and repetition, but the first step is always the same: decisiveness. Make the decision that change is needed, warranted, and valid.

For me, it can be making time with family or time by myself to do things I enjoy. I love to read; haven’t cracked a book since March. I love to write, but this is the first thing I’ve written in months. I enjoy running, but I’ve worn my running shoes for family events only this year. I enjoy cycling and recently had to fill up the bike tires solely because I didn’t want to ruin the tires, not because I was preparing for a ride. My wife and I really enjoy playing Xbox, but we got rid our last system because we said we didn’t have the time. The family hasn’t been hiking in a year. It gets depressing, but life can come fast and hard without care or compassion. Time flies – it truly does. So, strap on your wings; we’ve got some gliding to do.

STEP ONE: Schedule time to get your house in order. I’ve taken care of the “have-to” things before they’ve truly become emergencies or missed deadlines/obligations.

STEP TWO: I’ve said no to those requests and asks that would have taken up time I needed for me or other important things (see above). I was not able to attend that particular after-hours meeting; I wouldn’t commit to delivering an ask because I simply didn’t have the time. I do not recall where I heard it first, but Steve Jobs is credited as saying, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” That is to say, schedule your time wisely. Do you really have time to go out with friends tonight? F.O.M.O. (Fear of Missing Out) is real. I get it, but the world won’t stop turning if you miss one night with friends. Prioritization is key.

STEP THREE: Make time, hold on to it, and guard the time you set aside for that which you deem important. Eventually you will be asked to compromise, but hold true. You will not get that time back. Funnily enough, most New Year’s resolutions fail around the third week of January – right when new habits could be taking hold. The key is this: Have patience and confidence in yourself and your decision.

STEP FOUR: Be OK with setbacks. We recently wrapped up Christmas (pun intended) – the season of perpetual hope, but sometimes our best intentions don’t go as planned. Fail by February; start again in March. Fail in April; reset for a fresh start in May. Perpetuity refers to a continual existence. Perpetual hope – a continual hope – of potential change, if you want. But only if you want. Do not let the world dictate that need. Only you can. You can turn it around if you want to turn it around.

Frank Cross in Scrooged turned it around; as did Ebenezer Scrooge, the character upon which Frank is loosely based. Albeit, their realizations came in more dramatic fashion, but they were shown their needs and that they weren’t the men who they could be – who they should be for those around them. Some propose that Phil Connors in Groundhog Day took ten years to figure out his true self.

Any of the previously mentioned steps could have a mid-step added, defined as “with a companion – friend or family” because having an accountability partner is also key to success. Look up “accountability partner” and you’ll return all types of alliterative answers espousing the benefits of paired progress. Regardless, the common theme is that the more people who know your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. It takes a village. In some cases, change can be affected on an individual basis, but in most cases, it takes partnership in some aspect: a friend helping a friend, wife helping a husband, girlfriend helping a boyfriend. We’re all in this together, so it benefits everyone if one of us succeeds in a positive way.

At the end of the day, if you’re doing what you can with what you have in a positive way for you and those around you, then you are enough. The holiday season can be a time of reflection for change, but should also be a time of reflection for support. The world has a way of telling us that more is better. More food, more clothes, bigger cars, bigger houses, more presents, more TV, more, more, more.

Hedonic adaptation refers to a psychological “desensitivity” where we eventually return to a baseline level of happiness after new stimulus is introduced. Meaning, the more we have only temporarily gives us that dopamine burst in the reward centers of the brain.

We all have a baseline happiness level we should strive to maintain. Getting more and more only feeds into the need for more and more, never being satiated with what we have. Sometimes less is more; sometimes enough is enough. But you: You are always enough as you are. Do you feel like you are? Because you are. I’m telling you: You. Are. Enough.

As men, we are looked at stereotypically in a variety of ways, but for a lot of us, we don’t fit that construct. We are us – not them. We are who we are, not who we are told to be. Men: it’s OK to be insecure, and it’s OK to be confident; it’s OK to try, and it’s OK to fail; it’s OK not to be a leader, and it’s OK to lead; it’s OK not to want to go to college, and it’s OK to go to University; it’s OK to be you. Just be secure in what that means.

Change is possible; perpetual hope is a theme of the season. But perpetual confidence is knowing that what you bring to the table is worthy, as well. The holidays aren’t the only time for reflection, and realizing this is beneficial, but for those on the fence or looking for a place to start, the timing is perfect. Use this season to review you; decide who you are, what makes you happy and carpe diem – seize the day. There’s no better time than today.

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