Beautiful beans. I love them, and in fact, they’re my biggest protein source. Telling people this usually elicits a chuckle and response about their inability to handle the end-result after eating them. However, the fiber in beans can actually slow things down in that area – No. 2-wise – not the opposite. It took me a long time to figure this out.

Fiber is simply plant material. Unlike carbohydrates, it has no calories or food energy in it. Instead of being broken down and absorbed into the bloodstream, fiber simply passes through the entire digestive tract, acting like a broom by “sweeping” out crap. Sometimes it’s counterproductive, though, if we consume too much. We think, well, it’s fiber and it’s healthy, so my bowel movements should be regular, right? Not so. The type of fiber you’re eating makes all the difference in the world by regulating how quickly you’ll go.

Very roughly, people need about 25-30 grams of fiber a day, though most only get about 15. On a personal note, I think I take in about twice the daily amount, due to my love of vegetables, and it’s wreaked havoc on my digestive system. I think I’ve figured out a perfect diet solution – I just won’t eat at all. Kidding, but it is funny when you think you’re doing good things for your body, you could actually be doing more harm.

SOLUBLE fibers – Slows down No. 2s

This type of fiber attracts water and forms a gel, which slows down digestion. It delays the emptying of your stomach and keeps you feel full longer. It bulks and expands while it sits in your intestinal tract for awhile. It slows down the absorption of sugar and fat in the blood, helping regulate blood sugar levels. It also binds and removes cholesterol from your blood stream.

Sources of SOLUBLE fiber:

• Beans
• Oatmeal, oat bran
• Fruits like: apples, plums, oranges, bananas and blackberries
• Veggies like: carrots, squash, beets, potatoes, sweet potatoes – Think “starchy”

INSOLUBLE fibers – Speeds up No. 2s 

This type of fiber has a laxative effect because it doesn’t dissolve in water, so it passes through the gastrointestinal tract quickly without breaking down, and speeds up the passage of food and waste through your gut. If insoluble fiber gives you digestion problems, you can: Remove peels from your veggies; dice, chop or mash to make them easier to break down; eat them well-cooked, by either steaming, boiling or braising.

Sources of INSOLUBLE fiber:

• Whole grains
• Fruits like: Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, pears
• Veggies like: leafy greens, corn, green beans, celery, onion, broccoli, cabbage

All fibers have a soluble/insoluble ratio. Because of this, doctors and nutritionists are doing away with those terms. If you strive to consume a variety of high-fiber foods every day, you should get enough of each to cover your bases. If you’re trying to incorporate more fiber into your diet, take it slowly to avoid gastrointestinal distress.

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I moved to San Francisco at age 21 in the mid ’90s thinking I was going to take the world by storm – that I was going to be the Pat Benatar of the grunge movement. With just a few boxes and a few hundred dollars, I was easily and quickly able to finagle housing and a job. I quickly learned that one job would not be enough, though. I didn’t know it at the time, but one choice I made then would squash my dreams of rockstardom: I could either live comfortably in my own studio in the posh neighborhood of the Marina; I lived on famous Lombard Street, known as the “crookedest street in the world.” That meant I would have to work multiple jobs in order to maintain that lifestyle. Or, I could choose to live the life of a beggar, in squalor, camping out on someone’s living room floor in Haight Ashbury while I pursued my singing aspirations. I chose to have my own place.

Serving jobs were easy to come by simply because of the cornucopia of restaurants in every direction. There was lots of competition for employment at the upper-echelon spots in the city; interviews, usually performed by entire management staffs, felt like auditions. “How would you describe quail to your patrons and what wine might best be served with it?” Coming from a southeastern Ohio meat-and-potatoes town like Zanesville, I wasn’t exactly sure. I could have shared with them my experiences while employed at Shoney’s or Western Sizzlin, and even spieled a passionate description of the baked potato bar and what flavor of “pop” paired best with it. I always seemed to successfully muster through these interviews, though – I think it was merely because of my youth; I would look good twirling out on the restaurant floor. And I was fine with that.

This arrogant attitude went with me into the restaurants that were foolish enough to take me in, like Zuni Cafe, a quintessentially uber-trendy spot flanking where the Mission and South of Market districts converge, a bustling locale.

Zuni Café’s menu epitomized what is referred to as California cuisine: a style of fusion cooking with a strong emphasis on using fresh, locally grown and produced foods. As such, menus at Zuni changed daily, transforming the kitchen into a culinary school for the servers at the commencement of every shift. You would think one might embrace the opportunity to be presented with such knowledge, but I didn’t. I was usually daydreaming about something else.

And it showed once I was out on the frontline facing patrons. “What can you tell us about the radicchio salad?” I very clearly remember a young couple asking me once. “It’s bitter,” was my eloquent reply.

I always looked at gay men as being the superstars of these haute eateries, with their fanciful movements and five-star know-how; they really had their act together, and I always wanted to please and be liked by them, but often fell quite short. “It’s called ‘poe-day crim’ one of them told me once, rolling his eyes, referring to “pots de crème” when I mangled the pronunciation with “pots day cream.”

Judy Rodgers, the owner of Zuni, was a culinary leader in San Francisco, revered because of her ability to transform the way people think about using seasonal ingredients. Her published cookbook: “The Zuni Café Cookbook,” showcasing her flair for creating “simultaneously rustic and urbane” French and Italian dishes, was lauded by some of the most respectable publications across the country. She is well known, even amongst some of Columbus’ finest chefs. I recall standing before her one afternoon as she was pulling a pan out of the oven with what looked like slices of lemon wedges sprinkled with brown sugar. When I asked if they were, in fact, lemons, she looked at me and simply said “They’re figs,” before turning away.

At the end of my shift, I was called into the management office and told that I was fired because Chef Judy was “horrified” by my lack of food knowledge.

I distinctively remember walking home that afternoon and feeling truly scared for the first time in my life. There were other jobs I had at the time; it wasn’t so much about money, but fear in the knowledge that I was going to have to straighten up, take things seriously. Being thousands of miles away from home, there was no one around to hold my hand, walk me through. My ego was so battered and it was very humbling to realize I really wasn’t the center of the universe. I can truly pinpoint that transformational experience as the moment I became an adult. I’ve always strived to be my very best since that time, in all things … and to be sure, I especially try to know as much as I can about food.

Thanks Chef Judy … and rest in peace.

* Editor’s Note: Article was written circa 2000 and has been published twice elsewhere.

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I once lost 30 pounds over the course of about 3 months when I adopted a vegan diet. Those days are gone for now, but even more so than cutting out all animal products, I eliminated ALL white stuff – pasta, breads, rice – and I feel this more than anything contributed to that slim-down.

Neanderthals never ate grains. It wasn’t until about 10,000 years ago that Middle-Easterners learned how to make wheat digestible by grinding and cooking it.

And yet, we’ve grown up thinking that grains are healthy for us. While this is true for some of them, many of us have been fed a steady diet of refined grains, ripped of completely all nutrients. What we’re really doing to ourselves when we eat it is loading our bodies up with sugar. Here’s why.

When grains are refined, they are altered from their natural state by stripping selective elements away. What’s left gets bleached and grinded and refined even further with the addition of additives in an effort to “enrich” it.

Carbohydrates are broken down in our bodies into glucose, which is what our bodies use for energy. Refined grains are considered simple carbohydrates, meaning that they’re made of only a couple sugar molecules that are easy to pull apart and digest. This quick digestion delivers a big sugar rush that is usually followed by a lethargic crash. Other food that falls into this category are: sodas, baked goods, candies and unfortunately … beer.

It is with great sadness I must acknowledge that when I have a beer, I’m merely drinking a liquid doughnut.

All carbohydrates break down into glucose, however, complex carbohydrates, like what is found in whole grains, beans and vegetables, have more molecules, making them slower to break down, contributing to longer-lasting energy.

When glucose is swimming around in our bloodstreams, the pancreas produces insulin, which helps direct that glucose into the cells of our organs – it’s fuel. The more glucose in your body, the more insulin the pancreas churns out. Over time, cells can’t keep up with all the insulin (Insulin Resistance). So what happens? More insulin is made to try to combat the glucose. Over time, this will eventually wear out the pancreas. These processes can lead to OBESITY, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure … you name it.

I always check labels when I’m at the grocery store, with breads and pastas in particular. Many of them are sold under the guise of being healthy when they might not be. Always look for “WHOLE” grain on the label. If it’s not there, and especially if it says “ENRICHED,” throw it back.

I’m not militant on these things. It’s tough to follow all of the food rules, and with grains especially it’s sometimes more convenient to have the refined ones. Have you ever heard of a whole-grain pizza crust? You’ll be hard-pressed to find one I’m sure. I tried experimenting with my own, without much luck … so far. I am not giving up pizza, though, so refined flour will just have to do at those times. I advocate simply being mindful of what we do to our bodies, and just make some effort in spots where we think we’ll be successful. A little is better than nothing.

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Heard of S**t on a Shingle?

S.O.S. Yes, sounds gross, of course. I’ve been making it for years and it’s something we grew up eating in my family. As a former single parent, it was one the first things on my grocery list when my budget was tight. Assuming you have a couple cupboard items on hand, this meal can easily feed four for under $5. I’ve always considered this poor-folk food, Appalachian. It turns out, this comforting dish’s name is rooted in the military. Not only that, my kids used to devour it.

During WWII, S.O.S. (looks like bird poop on a rooftop) was served in mess halls. If you ever watched M.A.S.H., they spoke lovingly about it at times. Perfect for breakfast, lunch or dinner, troops developed a love/hate relationship with it because it was served all the time. The meat was cured, so it was cheap, quick and easy to prepare. It still endures in diners on the Northeast Coast, and likely in the kitchens of older generations all around.

There are so many varieties of this dish. My mother made hers with hamburger mostly, and she would drench it with sodium-laden Kitchen Bouquet to make sure the gravy looked brown. She would set atop mashed potatoes, and she made it in a pinch. We also had the white gravy version, which is just as yummy.

Roux and Gravy Basics

To make any gravy, it all has to start with the right roux. Begin with any kind of hot fat, be it butter, browned meat, or broth. Once these are sizzling in your skillet, add flour, turn heat on low and whisk to combine until creamy. The end result is your roux, and it’s the foundation of your gravy.

Next, pour in your cold liquid and whisk often on low to medium heat until it thickens. If you go trying to add flour after your cold liquid is added, this is when lumps forms.

S**t on a Shingle (for 4)

• 3-4 packages cured beef (I buy Carl Budding, and it’s around $1 a package, found in lunchmeat aisle)
• 3 tablespoons of butter
• ½ cup of flour
• 5-6 cups 2% milk
• Whole grain bread, lightly toasted
• Salt and Pepper

Chop beef into strips and fry in butter until edges get crispy. Turn on low heat and put flour in skillet, making sure to blend it well with the beef. Pour in milk and return to medium heat, whisking very occasionally until gravy thickens. Add salt and pepper through process to taste. Take off heat once it’s thickened enough for you and let sit for a couple of minutes while you prepare your toast. Eat immediately; it does not work well as a leftover.

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